It all started with China’s plummeting stock market, then came United Airlines’ computer failure, followed by a technical glitch that brought the New York Stock Exchange to a halt for almost four hours Wednesday. That’s prime content for the late-night hosts — even the ones who don’t have an actual show right now.

Buried in his “office bunker,” incoming Late Show host Stephen Colbert took to YouTube with an epic rant on the day’s frenzy, proclaiming the end of times.

“As you know today’s been a festival of dread and an all-you-can-eat hysteria buffet our worship of technology has midwived our doom, grounded flights, plummeting stock markets, a totally unusable redesign of Seamless,” Colbert said over static fuzz.

Colbert cried for the disenfranchised Wall Street bankers: “Do you understand for four hours that America’s bankers had no idea how rich they were?”