Forget bad interviews or office politics—the biggest threat to your next promotion might have formed in childhood, long before you started working. Psychologists warn that your attachment style can influence everything from how you build relationships with managers to how you respond under pressure.
And if your attachment style leans anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, experts say it could be the very thing holding you back.
According to workplace management expert Nancy Roberts, those with a disorganised attachment style “struggle to manage their emotions in the workplace.”
It’s why they’re least likely to get promoted, with managers worrying they’re “too emotional and not rational enough to, for example, make good decisions,” Nancy explained to Metro, while adding that they tend to have a more emotional reaction to feedback too.
“All of these can cause strained relationships with colleagues and managers.”
Meanwhile, the experts claimed that employees with avoidant or anxious tendencies are also (perhaps subconsciously) holding themselves back, because they naturally steer clear of uncertain environments or collaborating.
And research consistently agrees: Securely attached employees generally experience more camaraderie at work, which can lead to more career opportunities and progression compared to those with insecure attachment style.
The four attachment styles—which one are you?
Psychologists recognize four main styles of attachment: secure, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized. Our attachment styles are developed from childhood and shaped by experiences growing up.
- Secure Attachment
According to the University of Utah, people with a secure attachment style often feel comfortable expressing their emotions and seeking support from their partners. “If you have a secure attachment style, the ability to build healthy, long-lasting relationships is something that may come easy to you,” it writes.
Other signs of secure attachment include:
- Regulating emotions
- Easily trusting
- Effective communication
- Seeking emotional support
- Comfortable being alone
- Ability to self-reflect
- Conflict management
- High self-esteem
- Emotionally available
- Avoidant Attachment
If you are someone with an avoidant attachment style, the University of Utah explains that you likely prioritize independence. Those with this style may avoid discussions about feelings or vulnerability.
Other signs of an avoidant attachment style can include:
- Avoidance of emotional/physical intimacy
- Strong sense of independence
- Uncomfortable expressing feelings
- Dismissive of others
- Hard time trusting
- Commitment issues
- Often spends more time alone than with others
- Anxious Attachment
People with this style generally crave closeness while also fearing abandonment. You often doubt your self-worth and fear rejection, leading to a constant need for reassurance, the university explains.
Signs of an anxious attachment style include:
- Clingy tendencies
- Highly sensitive to criticism
- Needing approval from others
- Jealous tendencies
- Difficulty being alone
- Low self-esteem
- Feeling unworthy of love
- Difficulty trusting others
- Fear of rejection/abandonment
- Disorganized Attachment
Often associated with early childhood trauma or instability, this style is similarly marked by fear of rejection or betrayal but a need for intimacy. So people with this style can show inconsistent behavior—seeking closeness before withdrawing—and difficulty trusting.
Other signs include:
- Struggling to trust others
- Often feeling overwhelmed by emotional needs
- Fear of rejection
- Inability to regulate emotions
- Contradictory behaviors
- High levels of anxiety
- Difficulty trusting others
- Signs of both avoidant and anxious attachment styles
Perhaps unsurprisingly, those with a secure attachment style seemingly have it easiest, but that doesn’t mean everyone else is doomed. The experts agree that knowing your own attachment style—and how that impacts the way you show up at work and communicate with others—is key.
